For her..

Talking to all my mates on chat suddenly brought back all those feelings. The feeling of love, friendship, excitement and joy. One thing I realized more than any other was about her. My first love.

Even now, after all these years, there’s still just this part of me where if there’s even the slightest chance something I do could make her smile, I don’t even think about it. I just do it.

I mean if she needed something and I can make that magically appear I would. I would open a vein in my arm if I could bleed that thing out just to make her happy. Because she is like sunshine. So pretty and wonderful. Seeing her sad is something I cannot live with. I cannot stand the idea of someone or something hurting her. I would do anything for her. I would be anything for her. Even if not being in her life would bring a smile on her pretty face, I would go away. I would rather see her happy from far, than be around her and make her sad.

After all this time..for her..always..

Still there..

Shyam created a group on whatsapp for our college mates. Garware, the best of the times. Endless nightouts, fun, projects and memories. Its been 3 years since we passed out. But it feels like yesterday when we were still putting project together to present it in the auditorium in the next 15 minutes. Life passes so fast. You dont even know it and things become memories.

Talking to everybody made me nostalgic (more than I already am). I shared a few pics with the guys. Everybody laughed, smiled, realised...that we have come a long way since those days. Things were so different back then. Everything was so simple. We had no worries of the future or money or parents. We just wanted to have fun. We were carefree. But now, its all gone. The times, the moments and the people. Everybody is far from each other. We cant meet even though we are in the same city. Life does that to us. We get jobs, we get busy, we are occupied with the new people in our life. We forget that we had something beautiful back then. We hardly try to keep up and preserve that.

Always sitting at the last table in Sai Garden, ordering the same mysore sada dosa, taking a rickshaw from university gate to the college (even thought its a 5 min walk), doing all the work on the last day of presentation. That was the life. And now its all work, office, targets, waking up everyday with no motivation and going back to sleep with a day wasted.

I pity myself and everybody that we had something so precious and we have lost it. But its life. We have to move on. One good thing is that, we are all still friends. Exes, friends and brothers. Everybody can still talk to each other. No grudges, no hatred, no running away.

Theres another thing which I realised. She will always be special to me. No matter how far we go, how much we move on in life, her one word is gonna weigh a million times more than other peoples sentences. She will always have that place in my heart, in me. Nobody can ever take that place. My first love. Those endless photos taken on my Sony Ericsson, those webcam photos with hundreds of poses (literally hundreds) and those nights where we slept in each others arms. Pure, wonderful and lovely. She will always be with me. In my memories, in my heart.

Im glad we all had a chat today. It was great seeing the guys. I miss all of them. I love them. They are the ones who made those two years beautiful. Without them, those two years would have been plain white, which are now colourful when I look back.

Regret

It happens sometimes. You miss a person when you listen to a particular song, or see a particular movie scene. Its happening to me. Quite often now. And I regret a few things. 

I never told her how much I love her. I never told her enough. I should have told her everyday. She was perfect everyday.

I thought God only knew what I'd be without her. But now, I know it too. And I feel it everyday. The pain and the agony of not having her here.

I miss her. A lot.

Saying goodbye

It hurts to say goodbye. It does. It feels like the heart is stretching to it's core and crying. Your heart says no, but your brain says yes. And deep down you know it's no choice really.

Mostly, in life, when you are saying goodbyes, you think you have a choice. But you don't. Theres no choice. You have to move on. 

If you really would have had a choice, then you wouldn't be in that situation where you have to choose. You are there because you chose it. We realize this later and we regret.

We regret for the rest of our lives. Because once you lose something, it's never the same thing which you get back. It never feels same, it never makes you smile the same way it did before. It's never the person or place or thing that you loved in the first place.

Saying goodbyes is an end to the story, almost every time. But sometimes, you can get it back. You can get that person back, you can go to that place you love, again. You can do that one thing you love, again. But do you think it will make you feel the same way? I don't know the answer to that one. Because I have never gotten things back that I have lost. I tried everything, but I never got them back. I cried, i tried, i lied, i fought, i prayed, i begged.. but in vain. 

I regret many of my decisions. I wish to overcome them one day by achieving the things again. Some of them are permanently gone while I still have a shot at others. I will do everything I can, give everything I have to achieve them. Because, deep down I know I love them. And these things, these aims keep me going. These things keep me alive, they keep me motivated. They help me to face this world each day.

Once you lose something you love, your soul dies. A little part of you dies everyday. It hurts and you can't tell anybody about this. Because you know they won't understand. So you keep it to yourself. And you hope that one day the pain will go. One day, you will start to live, again. One day you will be alive, more than you have ever been.

That day will come, only if you have hope in your heart. An aim is a goal if you have faith and efforts, or else, it's just a wish. Keep fighting, keep believing, keep hoping.

Battling memories

Thinking about nz all the time. I do nothing but just think about the times, good and bad, i spent there. It makes me want to go back. I miss nz every second of my life. Nobody realizes this, except Akshay, my best friend. He's going through same thing.

Every morning i wake up with regret that i came back to India. Why did i do that? That was the worst decision of my life. I dont know how am i gonna make it up. But i wanna go back. I wanna live the dream. I gotta see my beloved NZ land again. And this time for life. 

Im in such a situation that i would do anything and give anything to go back. Each day a little part of me dies. No matter where i go, what i do, that guilt is always there, reminding me of the truth. The truth that im not in nz. The truth that im not happy. The truth that im dying a little each day.

Work life and me

Hello there.

I didnt get much time to blog in past few weeks. I just started working at this new firm. I had to go to Gurgaon for training and orientation purposes. So, this new firm where I work is Flight Shop. It is an Oz based company. It is a part of Flight Centre Ltd., world's largest travel company. Its the dream. I thank God for making this happen.


So, joining this company has some effects. Good and bad (maybe good). I am a New Zealand lover or you can say I consider NZ as my home. NZ is my love. I first came in contact with Flight Centre  when I was in NZ. Now that I am working in the same company in India, it reminds me of my NZ days. 

I came back to India for a reason. I had to come. And for some reasons, I couldnt go back. And since then I always regret coming back. I always miss NZ. I always miss my home. Working here was my dream. And Im living my dream.

Now, good things about working in this company - 

• The dream
• Chances of getting a job/transfer to the countries I want to go
• Benifits
• Awesome company

Bad (maybe good) things about working in this company - 

• Makes me nostalgic
• Makes me miss NZ
• Makes me sad and regret the fact I came here

Actually, the points in the "Bad"  section may be good in some ways. These points are like my motivators. These things make me work hard and try to reach my aim.

Well, things are going good here. I am trying my best and hopefully, I will grow with my store's growth and company's growth.

Advice - Always do what you love, if you havent found it yet, dont settle. Keep looking.

God bless you all. Peace.

Lost my belief.

I stopped believing. Not in some depressed I'm-gonna-cry-during-my-blogwriting way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It's just, every day I think I... believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks.

Its not as bad as it seems

So I was watching HIMYM, as usual. It was around 1 am.

The purest of thoughts come to you at night, when theres no disturbance around. 

So Im watching this episode and Robin is behaving like a total slut. Shes sleeping with almost everybody, everyday. I was in love with Robin since the beginning of the series. But after seeing such behaviour, I started hating her. A different image of her started to take shape in my mind. A bad one. And I was sad that this is happening.

But then I realised, its just a show. I mean, in real life, she is not sleeping around with everybody around her. And suddenly a smile surfaced on my lips and I was happy. I fell in love with Robin Scherbatsky. But if I ever get a chance to date her, Im gonna date Cobie Smulders, not Robin Scherbatsky. How awesome is that?!

It felt good and I was relaxed. The night was good. And I woke up happy!

Learning lessons from HIMYM

Okay, the episodes are getting sad day by day. Im not saying theyre boring. Actually, things arent going the way I want them to.

Ted is dating Stella. They are getting married. Barney and Robin madeout. Barney is falling in love with Robin. Why? I dont know why is this happening. I have  gotten a lot into HIMYM. It is the second thing to which Im most attached to, after Harry Potter. It may get that number one spot too.

Im way too attached to HIMYM. I have fallen into it since the first episode itself. I totally related myself to Ted. A sweet guy working in a firm and living with his best friend. Ironically that best friend of mine is dating a girl since college. Its been about 5 years. So they are Marshal & Lilly. They insist to argue over this though. Only thing, I never related anybody with Robin. Or did I? 

Monica (name changed), my first girlfriend. I related her to Robin. She was sweet, sexy and totally cute. We broke up after about 2 years of dating. So thats like Robin and Ted. But I cant relate Robin to Monica everytime. Only sometimes, it feels like it. 

Also, I dont relate anyone with Barney, except myself. Yes. I relate myself to both Ted & Barney. I have got this multiple personality thing. One is Jatin. And the other one is Jettiemeister. 

Jatin wants a girlfriend, wants to get married, have kids, drop em off to their football practice. But Jettiemeister, he wants to have fun, one night stands and no commitment/ relationships. Sometimes Im Jatin but sometimes Im Jettiemeister.

I wonder, is HIMYM really life teaching? Well I think yes. Robin and Ted dated. Then they broke up. Me and Monica dated. Then we broke up. 

But Barney starts to fall in love with Robin. And my bestfriend ie Marshall told me that Robin and Barney marry each other in the later season. So that means, Robin (the girl of my dreams) is going to end up with the bad guy (Barney). Here, Robin is going to end up with Jettiemeister. Im sad she didnt end up with Ted (or Jatin as I relate him to). But Jettiemeister is also me. Jettiemeister is getting the girl.

Jettiemeister is slowly turning into Jatin.

Its all good as the girl is ending up with me. But theres only one problem. I have this thing stuck in my head that Robin belongs to Ted (Jatin). So, even if Im the Jettiemeister and I get the girl, Im sad. Because I wanna win that girl as Jatin, not Jettiemeister.

I know its confusing. But it has answered a few questions. It has taught me a little meaning of life, destiny and love. I hope to have some lovely episodes ahead.

Keep loving. Stay blessed. And be just like me, thats awe...wait for it..some ! Be awesome!

Effect of Slapsgiving episode of HIMYM

Hello everybody,

I went for shopping today. It was good. I came back in the evening, had tea and as usual started with the episode of HIMYM.

It was the Slapsgiving episode. Marshal and Lilly host a Thanksgiving dinner with Ted, Barney, Robin and Robin's date Bob. The night before, everybody plan to meet up at Robin's for baking pies. Ted arrives around 9:30 and everybody had already left. So it was just Ted and Robin. Together, alone.

Its awkward for both of them. They have absolutely nothing to say or talk. But being friends with your ex is awkward. So they start talking and within no time they hit an arguement. So Ted decides to leave and then they say sorry to each other and hug. But that hug was the start of a romantic night. They makeout. Now without discussing it, Ted leaves for home and Robin goes into the kitchen. Next day, they try to talk it out and reach on a conclusion that they cant be friends.

Now the point of me telling you this story is simple. I went through the same situation. And watching this episode has reminded me of my girlfriend Monica (changed the name). Monica and I dated for a long time. Years. She is my first love. We were in college when we met and then after I went abroad, we broke up. Long distance relationship, sigh. So after watching this episode I realised that it so much resembles Monica and my relationship. Youre dating then you break up and you try to avoid each other everytime.

So, in the end while having dinner, Robin and Ted say something together. They did that when they were a couple. Suddenly they realise that they arent done with each other. I wonder if me and Monica are done with each other? We talked, we met but it was all awkward. What if we are in a situation together, alone? What would happen? I dont know. But theres a big question mark in front of me right now. Are we really done with each other? Or is there any spark still left? If yes, then shall it sparkle again or be watered upon to destroy it completely?

Sometimes, such things make you realise what you need, what youre missing and what needs to be done. I dont know what needs to be done. But one thing is for sure, I wanna spend a moment with Monica, together, alone. And see what happens. You never know !

Stay blessed everybody.

Emotional breakdown from HIMYM

Ok so I just finished watching season 2. Episode 22 Something Blue is the final episode. And it has destroyed me emotionally. Im going through a breakdown. I cant beleieve it. Robin isnt the mother of Ted's kids.

Yes. I just cant absorb this thought. Ted is telling the story to his kids. And he says.. "She did went to live in Argentina, greece and Japan for a little time and I was here where I met your mom." OMG why? That line just broke my heart. I cant even stand the thought of that.

Earlier in the episode, Ted and Robin are sitting comfy on the sofa at Robin's apartment. And Robin says, you stole the blue horn for me. And to that Ted replies, I would steal the whole orchestra for you. And then they kiss and makeout. After such a romantic scene how can you breakup? C'mon director, Im not gonna forgive you for this.

Theres only one person to whom Robin belongs. And that person is Ted. I think they should get married in real life as well.  I just realised Im actually shipping them. How cool is that?!

Anyways it was a day of all bad news. In the afternoon, my bestfriend, Vikas (an asshole for telling me this), told me that Robin and Barney marry each other in the future season. WHAT THE FUCK?

What the actual fuck? First thing, how can the director or the writer whoever it is, break up Ted and Robin. Second thing, how can they marry Robin and Barney? *claws the pillow besides me*

Third thing, how can Robin not be the mother of Ted's kids?

Disappointed.

Effects of watching How I Met Your Mother

So I have been watching How I Met Your Mother or HIMYM as Im gonna say it henceforth.

I have finished watching season 1. It makes me realise so many things. Things that are important. Its like a teacher in some ways.

First thing it made me think about is girlfriend. I want a girlfriend. Robin is so cute and hot and sexy. Plus Ted and Robin are the cutest ever. I had my Robin. But we broke up, yeah. It was 3 years ago. And Im not gonna blog about her. Its not about the past, its about the future.

So, it makes me want to have a girlfriend. This world is a difficult place to live in. You need someone to be by your side, someone to face this world with. I have had my chances. I have had my Robin. But will I get anymore chances? Atleast one more chance? I dont know. But I hope I would. 

The feeling is great. I wanna be a couple again. I wanna be awesome. I wanna be Ted and I want my Robin. And I dont wanna waste time. Im 22 and Im single. God, whats wrong with me? I should be dating. This is the time. I dont wanna be an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone. I wanna get married, have kids, drop em off at football practice. Then have some coffee with my wife while our kids are getting ready to be Liverpool FC fans. Its dreamy I know but its what I want. And HIMYM has just reminded me of that. I have always had this dream. 

So, here I am, sitting in my office. Waiting for something to happen. Someone to come. Someone to want me. Because Im tired of being alone. I want to be a shoulder for that someone to cry on. I want to be her go-to guy for all her good and bad news. I want to be there for her. I want.. All this. 

First day at the University

It was the ending of summer of 2008. Monsoon was just outside the door. I enrolled at the university for tourism studies. It was my first time in Mumbai, the city of dreams. I was a little nervous, but a little excited too. It didnt take much time for the city to cover me in its shine.

First day of college, I was sitting on the chair just outside the class, awaiting others. I wasnt nervous then. A guy was sitting next to me. Brown t-shirt and one sided hairs, just like me. He came from vasai. I asked him where he lived. And I told him about me. He was a little surprised as I came from the farthest place to college. His name, Snedan. We would become best friends. And even today, we are best friends. Touchwood. *touches wood under the office desk*.

That was the only scene I remember from the first day of college.

What goes around, comes back around.

Hello Everybody.
The past few years have made me realize the true meaning of Justin Timberlake's hit song, "What goes around".

It was music before, now it's like I'm listening to one of the most important lessons of life. What goes around, comes back around.

There are many examples of it from my life. I'm not gonna share all of them, obviously.

One of the best examples for this would be my love life. It has taught me the meaning of the song in the best way. The story will be very long. I might need to write a book for that.

For now, I'm gonna say goodbye.  And I'll come back with the story later.

Take it easy.
Stay Blessed. 

When love takes over..

Hello everybody!

Everybody by the age of 22 has been in love. Now love can be of various kinds. Like in love with a guy/girl, in love with a city, in love with your life, etc. Has anybody thought of the behavioral changes we go through when we're in love?

The answer is yes. Yes we notice the change but we choose to ignore. And we let the change happen. We let it define us. Once you change, you get a whole new definition of yourself. And you finally notice it when you realise that the things around you are changing too. This can be in a good or a bad way. If its good, then awesome. But if its bad, dont be sad. You'll fall in love again and you'll change again.

Lets talk about falling in love with a person. It is widely believed that you fall in love only once. I disagree. I have been in love thrice until now. And none of them was fake or an adjustment. I have been in love three times. Im looking forward to falling in love again. And thats a fact.

When in love, we make terrible decisions. We dont think before taking big steps. Because thinking involves brain activity. And when in love, all the activity is that of the heart's and other bodily parts, but not brain. 

I have made terrible decisions in my life. Top three would be because of love. Till date, my worst ever decision, which I regret even to this day, was taken by my love torrents. And I hate it. Truth is ugly but it is the way of life. And you gotta accept it.

You cannot survive without love, but you'll die without good decisions. Even if you dont die, you'll realise that a small part of you is dying inside everyday untill you have nothing left. No feelings, no love, no trust, no friends and no life. So fall in love but just dont ruin it with bad decisions. And even if you ruin it, you can change it by falling in love again.

Never give up. Never believe it over. Cause it aint over, until its over.

Goodbye. God bless.

September 5th, 2013

Hello Everybody.
Im gonna share my daily life routine here. BTW, I got a job, if you didn't know. 

Im currently working in makemytrip.com. My office is in Opera House, Bombay. And I live in Boisar, which you all must know (as readers of my blog lol). So, I travel about 3 hours to office daily and back home. Thats 6 hours of the day. Plus 8 hours and 30 mins at work. So I eat, sleep and relax (hardly) in the remaining time.

My day starts at 6.30 in the morning. I shower, have tea with chapatis and pack my tiffin and water bottle in the sack. I reach station at 7.30. I meet my friend, Saajan, Aditya and Nitish (sometimes). We chat and within 5 minutes, the train arrives. I travel in first class and my friends in second class, so we dont travel in same compartments. But they sit in the compartment adjacent to me. (We can see each other.)

I mostly sleep in train. Not for the whole time. I usually sleep from safale to andheri. I have a few people who have become friends as they travel with me daily. In Bombay, we have our seats fixed, even in local trains. So, you're gonna see the same person sitting next to you everyday. So, it isnt much difficult to make friends. Pawan Singh sits next to me. My school friend Aditya Agarwal also travels in my compartment.And there are a few others whom I know but dont know their names.

Another important thing which I wanna share. I have to write about this. There's this girl. She gets on board at saphale. She has a female companion. And a few friends who get on board at palghar. With reference to their discussion topics, Im sure about one thing - she's a student in vasai college. Not sure if engineering student or graduation student. I'll find that out. ;)

So, she gets on board, stands in the doorway. Never sits. She looks like an old friend of mine. Maybe thats why I feel connected. Shes tall, medium length hairs and shes beautiful. I dont know what it is but theres some attraction.

Back to the routine, I reach Bombay central station by 10am. Wait on the same platform for the next slow train. Get down at Charni road station. From station, I walk to my office in Opera House. Its about 5 minutes walk. After andheri, I usually start listening music. And my earphones come out after I reach office.

Once I reach office, I pray at the Cross, which is right in front of my office entrance. Then I pray at the small temple in my office. Then I take my laptop and sit on my desk. THANK GOD, THANK YOU LORD. WHILE WRITING THIS BLOG, I JUST RECEIVED MY JOB OFFER LETTER. I AM SOOO HAPPY. I AM SOO THANKFUL.

Im gonna finish this blog later as Im too excited to write.