There are some things that you can't talk about and that you can't explain. People wont understand. You feel that. But mostly, people who don’t have it, wont get it. Depression and anxiety. I feel I belong with these, even though they are not good. I have lived my life with these and now it feels like it is a part of me, a part of who I am. And without it, I cant imagine a life. I can never talk about it to anyone. But I want people to understand. Not people, but a few people who are very close to me. And what happens when even the people close to you don’t understand? You get more depressed. There is nothing in the world that can heal the feeling, that can make it better. I cant hate the person but I will never forgive and forget what that person did. It is not that person’s fault, but that person should have thought about it before doing it. It is irreparable. And that’s what hurts more. Nothing can make me feel the way I used to feel before. Everything has changed.
I feel hollow and empty. I want to be away from everyone. Be alone. No questions asked or answered. But the hard part is – I want to answer the questions, but I cant. I want to forget it, but I cant. I want things to get better, but I cant. There are so many things burdening me. But this one thing will always carry the most weight. And it will weigh me down every second of my life. I feel violated and traumatized. I want that thing, but I cant. What do you do then? You keep it to yourself because you're convinced no one would understand. And you're right most of the times. You keep it all in and it gets heavier every second every day. But you suffer and you suffer in silence. Maybe that's the only way to live. You hurt yourself by not letting anyone help you. You keep doing it. And you don't even hope that things would get better.
