Regret

It happens sometimes. You miss a person when you listen to a particular song, or see a particular movie scene. Its happening to me. Quite often now. And I regret a few things. 

I never told her how much I love her. I never told her enough. I should have told her everyday. She was perfect everyday.

I thought God only knew what I'd be without her. But now, I know it too. And I feel it everyday. The pain and the agony of not having her here.

I miss her. A lot.

Saying goodbye

It hurts to say goodbye. It does. It feels like the heart is stretching to it's core and crying. Your heart says no, but your brain says yes. And deep down you know it's no choice really.

Mostly, in life, when you are saying goodbyes, you think you have a choice. But you don't. Theres no choice. You have to move on. 

If you really would have had a choice, then you wouldn't be in that situation where you have to choose. You are there because you chose it. We realize this later and we regret.

We regret for the rest of our lives. Because once you lose something, it's never the same thing which you get back. It never feels same, it never makes you smile the same way it did before. It's never the person or place or thing that you loved in the first place.

Saying goodbyes is an end to the story, almost every time. But sometimes, you can get it back. You can get that person back, you can go to that place you love, again. You can do that one thing you love, again. But do you think it will make you feel the same way? I don't know the answer to that one. Because I have never gotten things back that I have lost. I tried everything, but I never got them back. I cried, i tried, i lied, i fought, i prayed, i begged.. but in vain. 

I regret many of my decisions. I wish to overcome them one day by achieving the things again. Some of them are permanently gone while I still have a shot at others. I will do everything I can, give everything I have to achieve them. Because, deep down I know I love them. And these things, these aims keep me going. These things keep me alive, they keep me motivated. They help me to face this world each day.

Once you lose something you love, your soul dies. A little part of you dies everyday. It hurts and you can't tell anybody about this. Because you know they won't understand. So you keep it to yourself. And you hope that one day the pain will go. One day, you will start to live, again. One day you will be alive, more than you have ever been.

That day will come, only if you have hope in your heart. An aim is a goal if you have faith and efforts, or else, it's just a wish. Keep fighting, keep believing, keep hoping.

Battling memories

Thinking about nz all the time. I do nothing but just think about the times, good and bad, i spent there. It makes me want to go back. I miss nz every second of my life. Nobody realizes this, except Akshay, my best friend. He's going through same thing.

Every morning i wake up with regret that i came back to India. Why did i do that? That was the worst decision of my life. I dont know how am i gonna make it up. But i wanna go back. I wanna live the dream. I gotta see my beloved NZ land again. And this time for life. 

Im in such a situation that i would do anything and give anything to go back. Each day a little part of me dies. No matter where i go, what i do, that guilt is always there, reminding me of the truth. The truth that im not in nz. The truth that im not happy. The truth that im dying a little each day.

Work life and me

Hello there.

I didnt get much time to blog in past few weeks. I just started working at this new firm. I had to go to Gurgaon for training and orientation purposes. So, this new firm where I work is Flight Shop. It is an Oz based company. It is a part of Flight Centre Ltd., world's largest travel company. Its the dream. I thank God for making this happen.


So, joining this company has some effects. Good and bad (maybe good). I am a New Zealand lover or you can say I consider NZ as my home. NZ is my love. I first came in contact with Flight Centre  when I was in NZ. Now that I am working in the same company in India, it reminds me of my NZ days. 

I came back to India for a reason. I had to come. And for some reasons, I couldnt go back. And since then I always regret coming back. I always miss NZ. I always miss my home. Working here was my dream. And Im living my dream.

Now, good things about working in this company - 

• The dream
• Chances of getting a job/transfer to the countries I want to go
• Benifits
• Awesome company

Bad (maybe good) things about working in this company - 

• Makes me nostalgic
• Makes me miss NZ
• Makes me sad and regret the fact I came here

Actually, the points in the "Bad"  section may be good in some ways. These points are like my motivators. These things make me work hard and try to reach my aim.

Well, things are going good here. I am trying my best and hopefully, I will grow with my store's growth and company's growth.

Advice - Always do what you love, if you havent found it yet, dont settle. Keep looking.

God bless you all. Peace.

Lost my belief.

I stopped believing. Not in some depressed I'm-gonna-cry-during-my-blogwriting way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It's just, every day I think I... believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks.